my new favorite; bathtub now in second.

Oooh! That is such a beautiful picture!

I must know - did someone make this quilt for you? I am a quilter and if someone made this for . . . I'll never quilt again. Only factories and people from bygone centuries can do this sort of quilt, right?

I wish it were our quilt, but it's actually my mom's and she's not ready to give it up anytime soon. It's at least 30 years old, made by my grandmother.

Graphic picture, nice; beautiful perpective, from above

I just finished reading the entire site.......from Day One to the most recent entry. I saw the review of this site in the Kim Kommando "website of the day"......she suggested that starting at the beginning and reading straight through would be a remarkable experience. She was right. Over the past two days, off and on, Ive been reading. Took me right back to those sleep-deprived, slightly spacey, horrendous pressure to do everything right, too-tired-to-be-terrified days. Everything in the first two years is slightly hazy, because it was at LEAST that long before I got some sound and long duration sleep. I made tiny commentaries on a succession of calendars.....for each day. The Nanny and I kept ongoing commentaries of each day and night (parent/nanny shift changes)......and I still have them. Parts of them defy translation.

Some of the things that people TOLD me, when I was suddenly and unexpectedly PREGNANT at 40 turned out to be true. Some turned out to be not applicable at all........and some were obviously twisted ideas of what might be amusing to relate to me.

I was afraid that I wouldnt LOVE him. Afraid that, at 40, never having had a child......never so much as BABYSITTING growing up.......never intending EVER to actually HAVE a child.....that old maternal urge just wouldnt "kick in". I had a c-section. Felt like I had been run over (several times) by a diesel truck. They handed me the most gorgeous 10 lb boy with a headful of thick dark hair who looked at me intently, as if expecting me to introduce myself. So I did. I felt no hot dizzying rush of love. Only an overwhelming obligation to take GOOD CARE of this baby until his rightful Mother showed up to claim him. My sister who had two almost grown children and my husband, who had grandchildren older than THIS baby......were not the slightest bit afraid of him, thank Heavens. It did not come naturally or easily........but confidence grew. I grew to be attached to this child that had been placed in my care......and he and I rocked alone through some of the long cold nights of that Winter, wrapped together in a comforter.....and I told him all the stories I could think of. I told him I loved him often.......more to convince myself than anything else. When he could finally talk himself, I realised that the nonsensical syllables that he had been earnestly telling me and I didnt understand, came to be translated as "I love you, Mama". The first time I heard those words strung together....I understood all I ever needed to understand about being a parent......and all those exhausting days and nights and pee and poop and fear and frustration just fell away.

Now that little baby is 16, 6 ft 2 inches, 220 lbs and still growing. Hes a happy, healthy, gentle and very loving son. He and I have never stopped saying "I love you" to each other......many times a day.

Dont let anyone tell you, ever.......that teenagers are just naturally sullen and moody and lazy and difficult to deal with. Of course they are all those things, some of the time.......but they are also fun to be with and helpful and loving and appreciative and entertaining as they can be.

I never intended to have a child. I fully expected never to HAVE one. Want to hear God laugh? Just announce your "plans". It hasnt always been an easy thing......and Ive made mistakes......but over all, it has been the most valuable thing Ive done with my life. It has given me insights about myself that Id have gotten no other way. It has taught me a GREAT deal about men in general and how they are different, culturally and socially, from women.

If we are lucky, our children grow up to be wise and intelligent.....if we are very very lucky.....they grow up to be our friends as well. Thanks for letting me look back on the worst of times and the best of times. Trixie isnt the only one who is changing and growing. In another year, you will look back on the person you were as you wrote these entries and be struck by the realization that you too, and your wife as well....are "different" people than you were in the beginning. As she grows, you will continue to redefine yourselves and your relationship with each other, too.

Thanks for sharing this with all of us.